The reproach you reach the heart. You felt attacked inside yourself, you dive into the depths of bewilderment, confusion. Or anger. In all cases the feelings are not good for your health. For undermining your moral, they weaken the defenses of your body, "Small or large," wrote the analyst Claude Halmos, narcissistic injuries lurking in every corner of our lives.
If it was in its infancy, acquired the sense of its value, we are able to relativize the failures, they are painful but not destructive. However, if one was from an early age, deprived of this capital narcissistic, meeting with each other becomes the pretext for a difficult self: "Is what I am worth something?" Test trap of advance, because that raises the question has already in his heart the answer: "I am worthless or ... not much. "
Although not present in your consciousness, your primary concern then is to protect you from attacks against your image. Attacks from rekindle your feelings. Physically, even supermodels are not immune to injury. Former supermodel celebrated, glorified in the 1990s, Ines de la Fressange confess evil still bear the thoughts like "Ben! you've not grown up ...".
Lack of self-esteem may relate to some aspect of the person. According to her experience, she will be embarrassed by that relates to its physical or its capabilities. Some will be comfortable in a social setting and not in another. Others may believe in themselves within their profession, but be paralyzed in the private domain. All those that do suffer intermittently from their bad image. And to catch up on points where it is good.
More serious is the situation of those whose image is so distorted that they suffer continuously. The slightest defect causes them to feel generally devalued. They missed something? They literally collapsed or become ill. Where someone feels will think "hey, I'm not strong in this area, it is not serious, self-criticism of one who loves does not focus on his entire personality.
Lack of self-esteem can lead to depression or at least temper sawtooth. It is hardly possible to be inherently at peace when we doubt too much value. And one more question, the more one feels unworthy of the blessings of life. One consequence of this state is the punishment inflicted on oneself. Since no good, no right to the little pleasures so essential. From there came the surprising behavior of those who unconsciously refrain from being happy.
Sandra manages to miss anything that might make her happy. Is it from a weekend "in love" with her husband, she falls ill on the day of departure. The next day she is in great shape, but it's too late.
The prompt does one restaurant, she is not hungry and left her plateful ... but gave canned ravioli once he returned home. Let him offer him a favor, she says, "but no, it's not worth it" ... and then it bites your fingers.
"I do not know how, says it, but I became" the one who is content with little. " Also for my birthday, my family gives me as worthless junk. And the worst is that I'm satisfied. I find it unusual to receive gifts of money. I feel like I do not claim. "
In extreme cases, lack of self esteem leads to no longer abide. It neglects her appearance, it does not take care of his health. It is allowed to abuse without protest. It is considered normal to obey, to surrender or be ridiculed. This can be very painful. It supports the death in the soul, gnawing at the bit. And often, unable, it explodes at the wrong time. Deep inside himself, the little speech was "I do not deserve better." Some even come to doubt having the right to existence. Of course these cases are rare. But the addictive behaviors (drugs, alcoholism, bulimia) are often the result of an overly negative image of oneself.
More common are those in which the contempt involves strong inhibitions. The action is the royal road to get out of problems. The problem is that when you do not feel we lack confidence in themselves and therefore it does not.
The smallest failure leads too emotionally painful. From humiliation to feel guilty, the refrain is always: "it's my fault."
Contrary to those who want the world, we want especially to himself. In order not to risk such a disaster, we limit the maximum its businesses.
If you feel a little twinge in my heart when you need to face something or someone, you probably do not believe in you enough. The more you doubt yourself, the more you have trouble you take in hand. The idea of dealing paralyzes you. And worries accumulate.
Or, not having confidence in your decision, you procrastinate for hours and you end up back in the opinion of others. For example, you want to buy clothes. In the shop a great selection arises and you must decide between several models. Temptations, fittings, hesitations. For fear of making mistakes, you can not decide. Ultimately you are going home with nothing or with what the vendor has advised you, horribly expensive and you do not even put. And you're angry, displeased with you.
What then, when the issue of decision making is more important! When daring to do anything, you trust blindly in those who appear confident. Alas! their boards are not necessarily reliable. "It was enough, says Bernard, someone tell me" I assure you, you should do that "so relieved not having to assume myself, I do. After I realized it was a mistake and it should repair the damage. I have much less trouble since I decided that I was as capable as others to have an intelligent discussion. I rely primarily on myself. "
But for some, relying on oneself, is instead very penalizing. Because they refer not to their actual capabilities, but the high image they pursue. An unrealistic picture, too demanding, tyrannical, that psychoanalysts call the "ideal self". It is summed up in order "I do".
As a child I had to meet my parents, I must now consider myself to be up to my expectations too high. And running out to reach the unreachable, our idealism makes it impossible to be feasible. It works in "all or nothing", oscillating between his grandiose ideas, his perfectionism, and hopelessness that leads to completely devalue. His image of himself is constantly plummeting and suffers greatly.
On the emotional and relational, lack of self-esteem is also a source of torment. The unbridled pursuit of love or friendship is common among those who do not love. Someone Will he succeed to prove that I am kind? Quest almost always doomed to failure, because nobody, except himself, fails to restore a negative self-image.
You remain convinced that the perception of you may not be as critical. So much so that the compliments you uncomfortable. Either you believe the deceptive (he said it to flatter me, he surely expects something from me) or they will appear as a fake (he will soon realize that it is wrong).
To assure a minimum, he should make a ton. The most charitable souls eventually get bored. And this constant need of reinsurance is the source of many crises (arguments, separations, etc..).
If it was in its infancy, acquired the sense of its value, we are able to relativize the failures, they are painful but not destructive. However, if one was from an early age, deprived of this capital narcissistic, meeting with each other becomes the pretext for a difficult self: "Is what I am worth something?" Test trap of advance, because that raises the question has already in his heart the answer: "I am worthless or ... not much. "
Although not present in your consciousness, your primary concern then is to protect you from attacks against your image. Attacks from rekindle your feelings. Physically, even supermodels are not immune to injury. Former supermodel celebrated, glorified in the 1990s, Ines de la Fressange confess evil still bear the thoughts like "Ben! you've not grown up ...".
Lack of self-esteem may relate to some aspect of the person. According to her experience, she will be embarrassed by that relates to its physical or its capabilities. Some will be comfortable in a social setting and not in another. Others may believe in themselves within their profession, but be paralyzed in the private domain. All those that do suffer intermittently from their bad image. And to catch up on points where it is good.
More serious is the situation of those whose image is so distorted that they suffer continuously. The slightest defect causes them to feel generally devalued. They missed something? They literally collapsed or become ill. Where someone feels will think "hey, I'm not strong in this area, it is not serious, self-criticism of one who loves does not focus on his entire personality.
Lack of self-esteem can lead to depression or at least temper sawtooth. It is hardly possible to be inherently at peace when we doubt too much value. And one more question, the more one feels unworthy of the blessings of life. One consequence of this state is the punishment inflicted on oneself. Since no good, no right to the little pleasures so essential. From there came the surprising behavior of those who unconsciously refrain from being happy.
Sandra manages to miss anything that might make her happy. Is it from a weekend "in love" with her husband, she falls ill on the day of departure. The next day she is in great shape, but it's too late.
The prompt does one restaurant, she is not hungry and left her plateful ... but gave canned ravioli once he returned home. Let him offer him a favor, she says, "but no, it's not worth it" ... and then it bites your fingers.
"I do not know how, says it, but I became" the one who is content with little. " Also for my birthday, my family gives me as worthless junk. And the worst is that I'm satisfied. I find it unusual to receive gifts of money. I feel like I do not claim. "
In extreme cases, lack of self esteem leads to no longer abide. It neglects her appearance, it does not take care of his health. It is allowed to abuse without protest. It is considered normal to obey, to surrender or be ridiculed. This can be very painful. It supports the death in the soul, gnawing at the bit. And often, unable, it explodes at the wrong time. Deep inside himself, the little speech was "I do not deserve better." Some even come to doubt having the right to existence. Of course these cases are rare. But the addictive behaviors (drugs, alcoholism, bulimia) are often the result of an overly negative image of oneself.
More common are those in which the contempt involves strong inhibitions. The action is the royal road to get out of problems. The problem is that when you do not feel we lack confidence in themselves and therefore it does not.
The smallest failure leads too emotionally painful. From humiliation to feel guilty, the refrain is always: "it's my fault."
Contrary to those who want the world, we want especially to himself. In order not to risk such a disaster, we limit the maximum its businesses.
If you feel a little twinge in my heart when you need to face something or someone, you probably do not believe in you enough. The more you doubt yourself, the more you have trouble you take in hand. The idea of dealing paralyzes you. And worries accumulate.
Or, not having confidence in your decision, you procrastinate for hours and you end up back in the opinion of others. For example, you want to buy clothes. In the shop a great selection arises and you must decide between several models. Temptations, fittings, hesitations. For fear of making mistakes, you can not decide. Ultimately you are going home with nothing or with what the vendor has advised you, horribly expensive and you do not even put. And you're angry, displeased with you.
What then, when the issue of decision making is more important! When daring to do anything, you trust blindly in those who appear confident. Alas! their boards are not necessarily reliable. "It was enough, says Bernard, someone tell me" I assure you, you should do that "so relieved not having to assume myself, I do. After I realized it was a mistake and it should repair the damage. I have much less trouble since I decided that I was as capable as others to have an intelligent discussion. I rely primarily on myself. "
But for some, relying on oneself, is instead very penalizing. Because they refer not to their actual capabilities, but the high image they pursue. An unrealistic picture, too demanding, tyrannical, that psychoanalysts call the "ideal self". It is summed up in order "I do".
As a child I had to meet my parents, I must now consider myself to be up to my expectations too high. And running out to reach the unreachable, our idealism makes it impossible to be feasible. It works in "all or nothing", oscillating between his grandiose ideas, his perfectionism, and hopelessness that leads to completely devalue. His image of himself is constantly plummeting and suffers greatly.
On the emotional and relational, lack of self-esteem is also a source of torment. The unbridled pursuit of love or friendship is common among those who do not love. Someone Will he succeed to prove that I am kind? Quest almost always doomed to failure, because nobody, except himself, fails to restore a negative self-image.
You remain convinced that the perception of you may not be as critical. So much so that the compliments you uncomfortable. Either you believe the deceptive (he said it to flatter me, he surely expects something from me) or they will appear as a fake (he will soon realize that it is wrong).
To assure a minimum, he should make a ton. The most charitable souls eventually get bored. And this constant need of reinsurance is the source of many crises (arguments, separations, etc..).
No comments:
Post a Comment